Kick the Wizard
by Loved-Invention
Summary: I am dating Sonny Monroe. I kiss her and I tell her that I love her all the time. So Mr. Wizard-brat is wrong when he says that we’re not official. We totally are. Sonny/Chad. Stupid Cute follow-up.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own SWAC, Urban Dictionary, the Jonas Brothers, Yahoo!, Selena Gomez, Faith Hill, Tim McGraw - or any other recognizable names mentioned.

**A/N:** Hello dearies! So this is kind of a little companion thing to my five-shot "Stupid Cute". However, you don't have to read SC to read this story. You just need to know that my Chad is a little aloof, inept, and egotistical, and he and Sonny are together…Finally! (And if Disney was awesome, they'd let that show up in the show, but they don't).

For those of you who read "Stupid Cute" – thank you! And yeah, I couldn't let this Chad go.

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**Kick the Wizard**

* * *

Everything was good.

Everything was great.

I was not a jealous guy.

_No._

_No._

I AM NOT a jealous guy.

I don't mind that my girlfriend hangs out with the guys on her set. I don't mind that they're always there. I don't mind that she's on _their_ TV show, always plotting out skits with _them_. I don't mind that they have crushes on her, because I know (to quote the king, Tim McWeirdo married to Faith Hillicious), that she never lets it go to her heart.

At the end of the day, she's my Son-beam. (Well, technically it's not the end of the day. Because, due to her purity ring, I have to wait until we're married to let it really be at the end of the day.)

Still, Sonny Monroe (my Son-beam), belongs to me. Chad Dylan Cooper.

Or so I thought.

"Hey man, what's up?" One bright, sunny (not to be confused with my Son-beam), summer day, Cloudy came by to taunt me.

Not a metaphorical term. Actually it is. Actually, no, it isn't.

His metaphorical term would be something like "Annoying Flipping Annoyer" or "Wizard Freak" or something like that.

Anyway, he's the blonde one (not to be confused with Blondie, because that's the female).

So as I was saying, Wizard Freak (and not Selena GREATmez, 'cause she's fiiiine…not as pretty as my Son-beam, but whatev), came by one day to taunt me.

"Fine," I waved my hand absently in the air, and texted my Son-beam with the other one. I loved texting her randomly throughout the day just to tell her how much I loved her. Her and her stupid-cuteness.

"No man," Wizard Freak prompted. "I said, what's up?"

At this I growled, pressed 'send', and rolled my eyes.

I wasn't deaf. I was just irritated at his annoyingness.

"And I said _fine_." I insisted, finally looking at the little hub-pub in front of me.

"So," Wizard Freak began again, ignoring my prior statement. "Since you and Sonny aren't really official," Hub-Pub began twirling his dad's car keys around between his fingers (I know they're his dad's, 'cause Hub-Pub isn't allowed to have a car). "I was wondering if I could ask her to go out with me."

It wasn't a question, it was more of a statement.

A statement of which I despised.

A statement at which I snapped, walked up to the little sick kid, and nearly punched him.

Instead, I just huffed in his face, "NOT. OFFICIAL?!" (and the Hub-Pub looked a little taken aback).

"We are SO official that it's ridicules how official we are, dimwad." I wasn't acting up to my Chadness standers, I was acting like a defensive boyfriend. Wizard Freak was just acting like a….An enemy.

"Dimwad?" Wizard Freak raised one inquisitive eyebrow. "Really Chad?" I groaned in response. "And you're not official." The Hub-Pub insisted again.

So I did what I had to do.

I kicked him.

It was a light little kick (a side kick, really), by his ankle.

Hub-Pub acted like the hub pub that he really was, and just stood there and winced. I balled my hands into fists, unbound them, shoved them into my pockets, and grabbed out an old napkin I had saved from Sonny's and my first date.

And then I unraveled that handy little napkin, and swatted the nitwit with it.

First, I hit his nose. Then I hit his chest. And then, pleased when I noticed his face begin to turn red, I swatted at both of his ears.

And then, a little too calmly, Wizard Freak reached out, and grabbed the napkin away from me.

I huffed in response.

"Really man," Wizard Freak inquired. I just glared.

"And you're not official," Wizard Freak went on, "You never asked Sonny to be your GF."

"My what?" I narrowed my eyes, and tilted my head to the side.

"Your GF." Pub boy said with a shrug.

I licked my lips, yanked my napkin out of Douche's hands, and shoved it back in my pocket. "What the heck is a GF?"

"Your girlfriend." Wizard Freak answered clearly. I frowned.

"Why the heck do you call that a 'GF'? _Girlfriend_ is one word. Our children are growing more and more inept in this country because of texting abbreviations, I swear…" I was rambling, on and on – cleverly avoiding what Hub-Pub was accusing me of.

What a little weenie.

"She is my girlfriend!" I insisted, singing my sentence in the tune of a Brad Paisley song.

"Not until you ask her." Weenie Wizard reached out ballingly. (Definition? Doing an action having great guts and integrity) and patted my shoulder in reassurance. "But I won't ask her out." Weenie Wizard stated through a disappointed look. "But you better ask her to be your GF. And that way, you'll be known as her BF. And then the world will LOL and LTAO and be HandC. Whirled pees, man. Whirled pees."

And with that, Weenie Wizard walked off of my set, leaving me damned confused and obsessively looking up things on Urban Dictionary.

Ooo000ooO

_GF:_ Girlfriend.

_BF:_ Boyfriend.

_LOL:_ Laugh out loud.

_LTAO:_ Laughing their asses off.

_HandC:_ Happy and content.

_Whirled pees:_ World peace.

My children are never going to have access to the internet. I will tell Sonny this and she will agree to my decision.

Even though we're not technically "official" in everyone else's eyes.

So the day after I kicked Wizard, I stalked over to my Son-beam's set with a bouquet of green daisies (her favorite).

As I was saying, I just stalked on and headed immediately to her dressing room, finding her alone and beautiful. When she noticed me, she skipped her way over to me, kissed me firmly on the lips, and accepted the flowers with another kiss. ("Not-official" my left Jonas)….Whatever that means.

And after my beautiful Son-beam gave me a curious glance, I began. "Sonny," I held my hands out to her, and she accepted them with a little dimpled grin. "I know that I haven't asked you this yet, but-"

"Oh, Chad," Sonny shrieked. "I'm only seventeen for crying out-"

"No, no, no, sweetie." I shushed her by pressing my fingers to her lips, and then I chuckled. I wasn't proposing…yet. (See what I mean, Weenie Wizard? Do ya? She thought that I was proposing. Ha.)

"I was going to ask you," Suddenly, I found myself swallowing hard and then I noticed that my hands were clammy.

Huh.

I was nervous.

Even though I've kissed her every day for the past three months, and have told her that I was in love with her – I was still nervous about asking her to be my girlfriend (even though she already was).

"Ask me what, Chad?" Her brown eyes were sparkling and demanding as she tilted her head to the side. Again, I forced the lump of glub in my throat down and gasped for air.

Say it, Chad. Just say it.

"Yah-Whooooo-Ioooooo!" I sang it, and this sent Sonny into a fit of giggles. The day that I told her I was in love with her, I nervously sang this out before hand. The day that we had our first date, Yahoo! possessed my tongue again.

And, of course, like all big moments…it sprang its evil self upon me again.

I swear, Sonny will be screaming in labor having our kids, and I'll be singing "Yahoo!" while a baby is making-way out of her other end.

Freak of Yahoo! nature, Yahoo! sucks.

"Chad-" Sonny finally quieted her laughter, and spoke. "Really, what is it?"

"Will you be my GF?" I blurted it out, and then mentally kicked Weenie Wizard again.

GF? Seriously? OMJ, PML. (Oh My Jonas, Pone My Life).

Sonny bit her lip in confusion, so I decided to clarify (and I thanked my Heavenly Father that my girlfriend was a sane person). "Girlfriend."

"Ah." Sonny laughed again. "I already am." Sonny raised her eyebrows and shrugged. This caused a frown to form on my face.

"Then why the hell did ChocolateBuns come over and tell me that we were unofficial 'cause I haven't asked you?!" I demanded, receiving another curious glance from the beautiful brunette in front of me.

"That- that wizard-hopscotch." Another curious glance. "The weenie. The hub-pub." She was glaring at me, urging me to just spit it out. "The blonde one!" I thundered.

"Tawni?" Sonny chirped, and I shook my head.

"I think he's a guy…"

"Grady." Sonny nodded with an eye roll. "Yeah, he's obsessed about a guy asking a girl to be his girlfriend. I personally think that it's ridicules. I mean, if you're kissing each other, and you're both mutually in love, then it's common sense…"

"Thank you!" In a moment of joy, I grabbed my Son-beam and wrapped her up in a kiss.

Together, we had defeated the essence of the invitation of girlfriend/boyfriendisms ; AND we kicked the wizard.

So I grabbed my Son-beam's hand, guided her out of her dressing room, stopped her in front of the Wizard and Blondie, and pulled her into another kiss (an extremely long one this time).

PAUB

(Pure and Utter Bliss).

* * *

**Another A/N:** Yep, weird as can be, I know. But wasn't the fight scene…lovely? :D

And the whole "wizard" bit? I just had to work the Jonas Brothers skit from SNL into a story somehow….Seriously, I have an icon on my profile with Joe and the wizard :D

Thoughts?


End file.
